From a very young age most of us are taught we should forgive. We are told forgiveness is release, healing and the source of miracles. However, we are never really shown how to forgive.
For a long time I confused forgiveness with righteousness. I judged others for not knowing better, and considered myself as being the ‘greater’ one for taking the ‘high road’ and bestowing forgiveness upon others. Though I thought I had forgiven I could not forget, and my mind continued to replay scenarios and dwelt in resentment, anger and guilt. Ego still had the better of me.
For a long time I lived in the absence of forgiveness, and operated from a place of emptiness. I was a person who lashed out in hostility and constantly viewed myself as the victim in every circumstance – in work, health and family life. Pushing my own opinion harder and harder in already toxic situations, I drove others away and was excluded from conversations as people saw me incapable of viewing other points of view. I alternated from being a stooge with being a perpetrator.
Living in such a volatile, intense and driven state of emotion all of the time takes it toll on energy and health. Anger is often described as bringing about inflammatory conditions of the body. Heart conditions and a compromised immune system can often be linked to constant states of stress and pent up emotion. Realising how unhappy I was, I knew I had to turn things around for myself, and I had to figure out how.
I discovered that the release of toxic emotions requires forgiveness – but how does one forgive? Just let it go? Work through it? Go to therapy? Forgiveness is not taught in schools and is not often passed on by our parents or grandparents. How do we let go of memories that have conditioned our mental and physical responses?
It may be useful to see our world as a mirror to what is going on inside of our Self. This requires an assumption – that everything in our life is of our own creation. There are no accidents and there is no luck. Everything that has impacted our Selves in any way has been created or attracted by our Self. Every one in our life is a reflection of various aspects of our personality and feelings that live inside of our Self. It may be a healthy to also assume that there is nothing wrong or negative in our lives – it is what it is – a gift to bring about awareness and healing.
Assuming that our physical world is our creation, then each of our lives are unique life experiences. It would be impossible for others to see our perception of our life as it is for us to understand their perception of their lives. It may be safe then to assume that others have a point of view that is just as valid as ours. Allowing this space into our perceptions can help us to soften and let go of the need, and the constant fight, to always be right.
By looking at our creations – our lives – we can get feedback about our Selves. Take an emotional look, a really good strong emotional look:
What is working in your creation and what is not?
What can you master and what can you learn?
Who is hurting the most and who is living oblivious to the pain inside of you?
Who can you change and who can you not change?
When our feelings or lives are blocked, or when we are unable to move through problems, then inevitably there is one thing required to begin to move forward – forgiveness. Forgiveness requires taking responsibility for our own emotions before we can empower our Self to release anything. It is useful to make a distinction between taking responsibility and blaming our Selves. Responsibility is taking ownership whereas blaming is an assigning of fault. Once we have taken ownership for what has occurred we become empowered around what we have created in our lives, and then we can choose to change how we feel.
Have others hurt you? How have you hurt yourself?
Have others controlled and manipulated you? How have you controlled and manipulated others?
Have others blamed you? How do you blame others?
Have others appreciated you? How do you appreciate others?
Have others been kind and gentle with you? How are you kind and gentle to others?
Have others loved you? How do you love others?
Have others forgiven you? How do you forgive others?
Asking these sorts of questions with total honesty in our hearts, we can learn to see how we have attracted what we have into our world.
Forgiveness is for our Self, for our own soul, and for our own quality of life. It is about our relationship with our Self, an energetic opening of our heart to our Self and it can be expressed it in any way we need to – through celebration, tears, writing, a cleansing bath, or the purging of junk from our home.
Forgiveness is not about letting others off the hook, but about letting our Selves off the hook and connecting with our Self internally. It is dropping a wall of defense, relaxing a hardened heart and allows our Self to be honest with our Self.
Nothing can change or move until we let an emotion go, and only forgiveness can allow this change to happen.
danutasnotebook.wordpress.com 